I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
