Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
BRING THE BAGELS
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
