worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
