he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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