is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
