I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
