drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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