where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Only a mothe r could love this liver
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
