Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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