No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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