Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
