Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize