i would punch a child for taco bell
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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