Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
