Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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