she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
