you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
