I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
