yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
