Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
