you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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