He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
