We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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