The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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