be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
