Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
