I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
