so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
