just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
