i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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