my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
