I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
