at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
