As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
