I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize