I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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