you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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