Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
