some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
