Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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