the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
