I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
