forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
