He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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