Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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