next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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