Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
