it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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