Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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