Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you win again, gameday.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
