I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
