remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
