Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
