I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
