from now on my penis is your penis
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
