I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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