Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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