Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
