I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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