i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
