my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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