i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
