The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
