i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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