Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
