sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
