doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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