he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
